🌟 Reclaiming Authenticity Post-Trans 01

What does living authentically look like?

What does living authentically actually mean? Well, that can be a subjective topic, but for me, it’s a journey of shedding conditioned fears to uncover our true selves. Growing up in rural Kansas in the 80s and 90s as a sensitive, effeminate boy who didn’t fit the rigid mold of masculinity that society at the time dictated, I faced bullying and ridicule that left me feeling isolated, lost, out of touch, and questioning who I really am. Though I sought acceptance from those who embraced my differences, but I couldn’t fully understand my complex feelings as a child.

Had I grown up today, I might have been fast-tracked toward gender-affirming care, but in the 80s, such options weren’t available. My childhood confusion turned into shame and deep-rooted trauma, which I coped with in adulthood through drug use and promiscuity. Over time, I became a shell of myself, and any trace of who I once was seemed long gone.

At 39, I transitioned with no medical gatekeeping, driven by trauma and internalized homophobia. Eight years later, after watching an interview with a detransitioner on YouTube, I had a wake-up call. I realized my struggles weren’t about my identity—they were rooted in my internalized homophobia and lifelong trauma. I finally had the will to admit to myself that transitioning offered only temporary relief but never addressed my deeper pain.

I came to understand that I had lost touch with my true self as a little boy when societal conditioning stripped away my sense of self. Though I knew the journey to finding myself wouldn’t be easy, in those moments, the thought of returning to living as my birth sex felt like coming home. It became clear that, not only did I need to work on myself, but most of all, I needed to rediscover and cultivate a true sense of authenticity. Had I been in touch with myself from the start, I might never have transitioned in the first place.

After absorbing interview after interview with detransitioners from all walks of life and connecting with others through forums and support groups, I've noticed a common theme: many of us have experienced a disconnect from truly knowing ourselves, often due to trauma, conditioning, or circumstances beyond our control. In my experience, I would recommend to any of my peers to take the time to truly "know thyself," as the Greek philosophers suggested. This is the essence of cultivating authenticity—and when you practice it, you’re truly living it.

🧱 The Foundation

Authenticity means different things to different people, but generally, it involves living in alignment with our values, speaking our truth confidently, and having the courage to let our true selves be seen. Here are a few themes that I contemplated when I started getting serious about inner work.

01.🌱 Identify Your Core Values:
Authenticity begins with understanding your true nature. 🌟 Discover the values that bring you joy and are non-negotiable. To help me start to understand what some of my core values might be, I spent time writing down ✍️ 3–5 of my most significant life moments and took time to identify the core values that resonated with each of them. Just making word lists like this can help bring clarity 🌈and help you align with your core values. (e.g., freedom 🕊️, self-expression 🎨, courage 🦁, kindness 🤝).

02.🤔 Make Conscious Decisions:
Pay attention to your reactions, motivations, and interactions. 🌟 Do they align with your core values? Use this awareness to make conscious choices that reflect your authentic self. For me, this has been tough. 🛑 Learning to pause and ask myself:

• 🤷‍♂️ What am I feeling right now?

• 🧭 Does this align with my core values?

• ❓ What is my authentic choice?

Even if it’s uncomfortable in the moment, making a decision that feels true to you 🧡 can help ensure you’re aligning with your established values. ✔️

03.🛡️ Establish Boundaries:
To cultivate authenticity, it’s essential to honor your core values 🌟 and set clear boundaries, even if it means making uncomfortable changes. 💪 This helps you stay true to yourself and fosters genuine connections with others who respect your boundaries. 🤝

Micro-exercises are perfect for practicing boundaries in the simplest way possible.

🧩 For example:

• Think of one situation where you feel uneasy or stretched. 🤔

• Now, use a single word to set a boundary. 🗣️

Examples:

• 🚫 "No"

• ✅ "Yes"

• ⏳ "Later"

• ✋ "Stop"

These are great examples of setting clear, simple boundaries.

I want to emphasize that reclaiming authenticity post-trans is not a destination, but an ongoing journey of self-discovery and healing. These practices can be beneficial for anyone, detransitioned or otherwise. The process of shedding layers of trauma, conditioning, and shame to reconnect with our true selves is both challenging and empowering. It’s about making conscious choices, setting boundaries, and living in alignment with our core values.

This article is the first of three in a series about cultivating authenticity post-trans. In the upcoming pieces, we will explore other essential practices for this journey, including self-reflection, mindfulness, compassion for ourselves and others, vulnerability, letting go, and setting meaningful goals for learning. These topics have been instrumental in my own process of rediscovering who I truly am and embracing my authentic self.

I hope you’ll join me as we continue to unpack these themes and explore how each of them can help you reclaim your authenticity, regardless of where you are on your own journey. Let’s keep walking this path together, one truth at a time.

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Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist, and the information shared in this article is based on my personal experiences and reflections. If you are in distress or struggling, I strongly encourage you to seek guidance and support from a licensed mental health professional. These suggestions are not a substitute for professional advice or treatment.