I Was Him Once

Seeing Myself in Another’s Mistake

There is regret, but there is also insight. 🤔 Detransition has uncovered old trauma, brought new trauma, and revealed the trauma of living as a transitioned person. Through it all, I’ve been left with a new lens through which I see the world. I now understand that I, like many of my peers, am an elder of the “gender-affirming care” experience. Likewise, as life has caught up with me, I’ve come to realize that I am also an elder of what was once the gay community. 🌈

As I reflect on the past, I understand there are many reasons the community failed me—reasons that, because of their depth, are probably best explored in another post. But in short, the LGB community has long been deeply traumatized, riddled with shame and horizontal oppression. It’s no wonder so many look for a way out. I did.

Now, as an elder with a new perspective shaped by experience, I look at the circus sideshow 🎪 that our community has become and see myself in so many young men. When I was living my transitioned experience, some would come to me, excitedly contemplating this path. Honestly, thats’s terrifying because once the seed of gender ideology is planted, its roots spread fast, taking hold in ways that seem nearly impossible to undo. 🌱 In dark moments, sometimes I ask myself. Did I inspire them?

I remember one such young man who reached out to me when I was in the midst of my own initial awakening from the ideology. He messaged me, proudly declaring that he was about to start hormone replacement therapy.

I could hear my younger self in his words—full of conviction, sure that this was the only way forward. I had been him, once. ⏳

No matter how much I tried to explain that transitioning wasn’t the solution, he was adamant that it was. And I get it. When you’re that deep in the belief, nothing can shake it. No matter what I had to say, tho I had LIVED EXPERIENCE it wasn’t enough. As if because I was experiencing regret it invalidated my LIVED EXPERIENCE and his opinion was formed. It was clear this young man already had put a-lot of thought into escaping his shame.

It’s painful to see history repeating itself, knowing what’s coming but being powerless to stop it. When I look at all of the ways that “gender-affirming care” destroyed my life, I wish I could reach across time ⏰ and shake my younger self, tell him to hold on, that he didn’t need to go through all this. And now, I watch as others step onto the same path, convinced, just as I was, that it will bring them peace. Even grasping at irrational thoughts—magical thinking 🪄 (just like I did)—that it would all just work out and eventually “Sexual Reassignment Surgery” would be the fix for everything.

Looking back on this conversation, he insisted that he had listened to detransitioners’ stories but dismissed them, claiming they were just acting on feelings or influenced by others. Yet, he couldn’t see that he was falling into the very same trap—making life-altering decisions based on emotion and external validation. Like so many vulnerable gay men in shame of their same-sex attraction, he was convinced that transition was the only way forward. It was painful to watch him repeat the same mistakes, blind to the irony of his own reasoning. 🔄

His dream of one day having a husband but as a woman 🤵‍♂️🤵‍♂️ was not just about love—it was about escaping the reality of being a gay man. The deep-rooted internalized homophobia he carried, left unaddressed and untreated, led him to believe that transition was the only way to make a relationship acceptable. Rather than confronting these feelings in therapy, he saw becoming a woman as a way to be with a man without facing the stigma and shame he associated with being openly gay. Just like I did.

And just like back in 2016 when I transitioned, media and woke LGBTQ+ culture glorifies the trans experience. 📢 This glorification affects the vulnerable in many ways.

Sadly, the relentless glorification of the trans experience in media presents transition as a brave and noble escape, but for vulnerable young gay men struggling with shame—men who otherwise might not have had a place or connection in life—it can become a seductive illusion. 🫥 Instead of being encouraged to confront and heal their internalized homophobia, they are offered a way out—one that promises acceptance but often leads to deeper pain. By portraying transition as the ultimate solution, the media erases the struggles of gay men who, like so many before them, simply needed support, not medicalization. 🚨

Since that conversation, he has gone silent about this topic—at least in direct messages. Yet, anytime I speak publicly about detransition or this topic, he responds with rude, troll-like comments. 👹 Often making attempts to debate me. Should I confront him? Should I lash out and return the same oppression he’s shown me? I could very well out him. That would shut him up. MUAHAHAHA! 😈

Yeah maybe the transitioned or pre - transitioned Levi would have been on board with that.

But as an elder, I say NO—that does nothing to build a stronger community. Instead, I choose love. ❤️ I believe sometimes in these situations, people have to wake up on their own. When I was in it, no one could have told me my experience was not valid. With that, I leave the door open 🚪 for him, hoping that one day, he will be ready to walk through it.

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